Remove Dependency On Others And Move Ahead In Life

In my previous posts I suggested a few thoughts on extracting valuable time from our daily activities to pursue our aspirations and goals. But I also understand that it is easier said than done. Very often it boils down to one inspiring day when we wake up with a lot of enthusiasm. Something has gone right the previous day or there is something exciting anticipated in the coming day. We make a conscious choice to have a fresh start and we do it also. However, just like the theory of diminishing marginal utility, the enthusiasm wears out faster than the bullet train. And once there is lack of enthusiasm, the initiative loses the thrust and life goes back to square one.

This is how we are caught in the endless web of routine life. The vicious circle continues day in and day out. With every passing day its stranglehold increases on us till we are absolutely sure that we have reached the point of no return. That’s when you hear these statements: ‘You do not have age on your side anymore’ ‘Is this your age to make the make a change?’, ‘We are no more young to adapt to changes’, ‘Wish our teenage would return’ ‘School days were so much fun’ ‘In college we could do as we liked’. We may or may not harbour these thoughts ourselves, but our ‘friends’ or ‘colleagues’ or ‘family members’ do not hesitate to utter them and pour cold water over our strong endeavours.

I am quite sure all of us have faced these situations in our lives. And most of us will agree that very often the so called ‘counsel’ of ‘near and dear ones’ have influenced our thoughts and actions. And nine times out of ten we will also agree that if the outcome was not satisfactory, we have a tendency to feel frustrated at the wrong path taken and as a natural outcome, vent it out against the person(s) in casual conversations leading to disagreement, heated arguments, resentment, loss of faith or in extreme cases, loss of relationships.

To give a relevant example, an ex-colleague of mine was approached and offered a job with a start-up. This was about 6 years ago when the ‘start-up’ concept was not that well entrenched. The position was to head the legal operations, relocation to a different city and a salary offer at par with market standards (in fact it was a notch higher). He was naturally very excited given his high risk appetite but his enthusiasm was flattened by the flak he received from friends, trusted colleagues, family members etc. for contemplating leaving a large and well-positioned multi-national consultancy firm for a small entity virtually unheard of. Eventually, discouraged by his near and dear ones, he turned down the offer. The start-up revolution, as we all know, hit India’s shores soon after and has taken the nation by storm. That start-up which had knocked on his doors is one of India’s foremost companies hogging the headlines on a regular basis and its initial employees are now considered as trendsetters, highly respected professionally and also financially unexpectedly well-off (some media reports suggest that they have become millionaires!).

The colleague went into a sort of depression when he realized that an opportunity of a lifetime had gone abegging and till date the regret in his conversations is visible. He severely castigated his friends, distanced himself from his close colleagues and his personal life also suffered. My sympathy went out to the crestfallen colleague at that time and his reaction appeared normal. However, over a period of time, I realized that he could have made a difference by following his initial instinct and individual choice rather than depending on people around him, who could never understand his aspirations and expectations.

Coming back to our original discussion, I would like to emphasize that we, as individuals, are responsible for making decisions in our lives. It is the individual who knows what works best for him or her. The idiom ‘Only the wearer best knows where the shoe pinches’ explains it rather beautifully. We all know our pain points as well and only we are in a position to remove the cause for the shoe pinch. Hence, breaking the vicious circle and improving our lives can only be achieved when we are ourselves convinced what is right and wrong for us. Once convinced from inside and no more dependent on anyone else, I can assure that you will be able to effortlessly build on the good initiatives taken to improve your daily life and sustain the fresh start. Always remember these precious words by George O’Neil, an American poet, playwright, novelist and film writer:

“When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone.”